Oh boy! Via Craigslist ... let's check out the ALL-CAPS broker poetry:
HELLO NEW YORK CITY !!!!!WHERE TO BEGIN? THIS UNIT IS AWESOME! THIS UNIT IS BRAND SPANKING NEW! IT'S NOT TOO FAR EAST(AVE A). LETS CHECK THIS DUPLEX 6 BED 3 BATH ULTIMATE PAD. YOU CAN EITHER HANG OUT IN THE AMAZING LIVING SPACE, YOUR PRETTY BIG BEDROOM OR EVEN UP ON YOUR AMAZING ROOF DECK!!! BLEACHED WOOD FLOORS, CONDO LIKE BATHROOMS AND A KITCHEN THAT WILL EVOKE WONDERFUL MEALS. CONVENIENT TO UNION SQUARE AND ALL OF THE SOCIAL EVENTS YOU CAN SPEAK OF.LETS SEE IT.
Yes! [Head butts all around]
Here's another version of the ad, showing, randomly, a park that doesn't exist in this neighborhood.
Updated: It is a new listing at 205 Avenue A. Thank you Icon Realty for this mess!
H/T @galadarling
Previously on EV Grieve:
East 12th Street now home to "THE ONLY REAL FRAT HOUSE AT NYU!"
It also evokes puke.
ReplyDeleteA KITCHEN THAT WILL EVOKE WONDERFUL MEALS
ReplyDeletemore proof it takes zero intelligence - nor does it add any value to society - to be a real estate broker.
If I was one of the neighbors, I would be consulting with the city to find out if it is legal to build a six bedroom unit. I have never heard of one before and I know I wouldn't want to live next door to a frat house!
ReplyDeletesomeone should be able to identify the building based on the picture of that roof space and the buildings in the background...
ReplyDeleteIsn't it illegal for more than four unrelated people to share a residence?
ReplyDeleteWow. For an extra dose of horror I clicked through to the website to see what else they have in the EV. This is the last sentence in the gem of a neighborhood description: "Nightclubs vary from the hardcore punk and rock to subdued lounges to huge techno venues with revolving promoters. With-it music types hang out at world-famous CBGB, the seedy Continental, or the earnest-young-touring-group favorite Lakeside Lounge."
ReplyDeleteSo...current.
Call me crazy but I rather spend the $2000 renting a studio apartment than a cage in the animal house.
ReplyDeleteThankfully it does not appear to be near me but my sympathy goes out to anyone living next to this bro-thel.
It's 205 Ave A!
ReplyDeleteA nice new kitchen might "evoke" lots of nice things but lot of good that is going to do you when its almost dinner-time, the fridge is empty and you know fuck-all about cooking. I'd say "evoke meals", as ineptly as that line was conceived, is probably a fairly accurate description of all that this kitchen is going to end up doing, actually.
ReplyDeleteWow!! Who would move into this area now? Its no longer family friendly, unless you want to become completely obliterated or hide in your home at certain hours to avoid the entitled crowds. Basically it's become a successful attempt to whitewash any singularity (OMG -- bird feeders in the parks!!Hawks!!!Surveillance cameras --please--hysteria). The east village has long become the new joke as attested by many people (old and new). Surrounded by bars, ugly new buildings,illegal construction, and generic dorms, its slipping and/or slipped into a cesspool of homogeneity. Incredibly depressing. I blame the agreed upon greed (sic) of some members of CB3, DOB,Archdiocese, Bloomberg's megalomaniac "new city agenda",specific devolopers,as well the inevitabilty of change. The most telling sign, besides mega 7-11 and Duane Reades, was/is the possibilty of building "hideously more luxury housing" on the grounds of what little space remains on NYCHA grounds. Instead the elected officials refuse to take responsibility for the crimes they caused by mishandling money. The east, lazy response let's take it from those less vocal--or so they think. Why should they (NYCHA)need space to breathe, play basketball, eat lunch, or enjoy a view? The truth is that hopefully tourists won't want to visit a place that eventually looks like the same outlet they came from to shop. I enjoy watching tourist buses today drive by places that no longer exist or in the process of demolition. Perhaps they should be called ghost tours for all the vestiges that congregate on corners and alleyways. Welcome to the "East Village: the new Pleasant Valley Sunday!!!" Unfortunately, I doubt De Blasio will do anything to change his mantra, ala Dickens, "two cities." Also, we continue to re-elect local representatives again and again who never had anyone's interest but their own. As Dr. King wrote about the most dangerous opposition to civil rights, the white moderate, today it has long been the moderate, regardless of his/her background,who has slowly polarized this city.
ReplyDeleteThe anonymous are usually the usual supsects, the predator and his/her prey.
Warmly,
A Real Housewife of the East Village...
What is it about this profession that attracts such fucking idiots?
ReplyDeleteWHERE TO BEGIN! ULTIMATE SAUSAGE NEST FOR D-BAG FRATBOYS!!! SLIP HOS DATE RAPE DRUGS AND DRAG THEIR LIMP BODIES INTO ONE OF SIX AWESOME BEDROOMS!!! THEN JUST THROW THEM OFF YOUR AMAZING ROOF DECK! WATCH OUT BELOW!! CONVENIENT TO 7-11 TO PICK UP CLEANING SUPPLIES TO COVER UP THE EVIDENCE AND BARS TO UNWIND AFTER!! LET'S SEE IT!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei'm so sick of everything being "amazing"
ReplyDeleteThis ad has some serious typos and grammatical errors, so I took the liberty of correcting them below:
ReplyDeleteHELLO NEW YORK CITY DOUCHEBAGS !!!!!WHERE TO BEGIN LYING TO YOU DRUNKEN NYU IDIOTS? THIS MOON UNIT IS LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME! THIS MOON UNIT IS BRAND SPANKING NEW! (OUCH! YOU HURT ME! NOW DO IT AGAIN!) IT'S NOT TOO FAR EAST (OR EVEN TOO CLOSE TO ASIA, ITS RIGHT ON AVE A FOR "ADVENTURE!"). LETS CHECK (CREDIT CARDS ALSO MOST WELCOME TOO) THIS DUPLEX 6 BED 3 BATH 12 AWESOME PEOPLE 100 OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS ULTIMATE FRISBEE ROOF PARTY PAD. YOU CAN LIKE EITHER HANG OUT THE AWESOME WINDOWS IN THE LIKE TOTALLY AMAZING LIVING SPACE, FALL DOWN DRUNK IN YOUR PRETTY ASS BIG BEDROOM OR EVEN THROW UP ON YOUR AMAZING ROOF DECK!!! BLEACHED WOOD FLOORS JUST LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIENDS HAIR , UNLIMITED CONDOM DISPENSERS IN THE BATHROOMS AND A KITCHEN THAT WILL REVOKE WONDERFUL MEALS AS YOU REGURGITATE YOUR TASTY YUM GOURMET FOOD. CONVENIENT TO UNION SQUARE BY TAXI OR LIMO AND ALL OF THE SOCIAL EVENTS YOU CAN SPEAK OF.LETS SEE IT WHEN WE ARE A LITTLE MORE SOBER.OK?
I pine for the day's when THESE kind of PEOPLE wouldn't come past 3rd ave. This isn't "gentrification", it's a Fucking invasion.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of anger pointed at people that few of you know and in my day we called that prejudice. Not every student even an NYU student is a drink to you hurl idiot so hating someone because a few idiot 20 year old pissed you off if is narrow minded and not the open, alternative live and let live attitude we like to say our neighborhood is about. There have always been transient people here and this new louder and rich batch is just that. This apartment is a lame excuse for a place to live and is the dream child of some misguided developer/ landlord which will fail. If you ever had to share a flat with more than one other guy you know how nasty it will become. The repairs to this apartment will overshadow the repair costs. So stop your hating people it is not cool and does not represent this area.
ReplyDeleteLeave the kids alone. Let's be honest, they aren't the worst in the neighborhood... There are other concerns we should be focusing on...
ReplyDeleteCome on now vapid
Deletethoughts are not for the
kids,adults are a more serious focus. I mean omg..
It's part of a bigger trend. There was recently an article that discussed how realtors are phasing out studios and 1 bedrooms, since the profit margin is higher on multi-bedroom apartments. (for everybody, not just the frat boys). Unless someone takes action (Mayor DiBlasio?), all New Yorkers will be living in hostel conditions.
ReplyDeleteBut look on the bright side--this one might end up being a sorority house..