Creepy Craigslist ad seeks '4 sexy hot bartending robots'

A reader pointed our attention to this Craigslist ad...

looking 4 sexy hot bartending robots (Lower East Side)
Popular LES soul jazz bar/tavern is looking for asexual stage performing robots, models r3710 thru r3710-2.0, to entertain curious onlookers on a brightly lit stage, with witty repartee' and story telling, while fetching & mixing alcoholic beverages, at their command. Most current drivers for brightest, friendliest, openiest, sexiest robot communication skills that 99.99999% of humans have been genetically program to find appealing, by what ever God they believe in, if any, required. Race, Creed, Sexual Orientation, Age, Sex, Robot or Bar Code status UNIMPORTANT.

All tips are pooled and divided evenly. Restocking will be required. Obscure, but legit, constitutionally protected, soul sucking ritual, will be performed, involving chicken feet and body fluids (you don't want to know) to determine your level of MOJO. (please include return address for soul or return cannot be guaranteed) A picture of your robot self, lock of robot hair and/or robot fingernail clippings, with resume, will be required for ritual or there is a small but still significant chance you will become a face eating, end times, zombie robot. If interested please reply.

Perhaps someone's idea of a joke, though it's not really funny. (Of course, robot humor is tough to pull off...) Probably fake? Or, perhaps, it's real...?

We'll always have Craigslist: 'Seeking third roommate that doesn't suck'

There is a listing on Craigslist with the heading "$1750 Seeking third roommate that doesn't suck (East Village)"

What constitutes a roommate who sucks? In this case, the people who placed the ad — "two cool guys from Michigan who went to school at the University of Michigan" — explain what went wrong with the third roommate, a woman who has agreed to move out.

And to the ad:

Here are some of the things we experienced in our first three months with her. Stop reading if you seriously might do one of the things listed below. Otherwise, take humor in our past suffering.

1) You own a non-spaded dog that gets dog period juice (that's right, I called it that) all over the apartment, and then you decide not to tell us about it until we find it is an epidemic of disgustingnesss. It was cleaned up by a maid.

2) You pull stuff out of the garbage and attempt to reuse it. In this case, the prior roommate removed a water bottle container that had been used to store urine during an emergency situation. Yes, our roommate drank from a plastic water-bottle filled with piss for seven days that she pulled out of the garbage. Fireworks followed. More can be told in person.

3) You attempt to fix a freezer frozen completely shut with a hammer. I can't make this shit up.

4) You let us know the day before rent is due that rent+utilities exceeds your budget during your first month living with us.

5) You regularly and randomly start crying during any serious conversation.

Oddly enough, we started regularly and randomly crying while reading this ad...

Noted

I came across this headline in the Free Stuff section at Craigslist — 3 cans of Campbell's Soup (East Village)

Per the listing:

"Two tomato, one chicken noodle. No, it's not much, but if you're in the nabe, you're welcome to swing by and grab 'em. Near 14th St & Ave A."

FINALLY, your chance to share a studio with 5 guys in the East Village

A rental opportunity via Craigslist (apologies in advance for the ALL CAPS ... that's how Craigslist ran the ad...):

SHARE STUDIO APT WITH 5 OTHER GUYS WHO AREN'T IN THE APT MUCH FOR JUST $475 A MONTH PLUS A $475 REFUNDABLE DEPOSIT. I'LL PAY ALL UTILITY BILLS. THAT AMOUNTS TO SPENDING LESS THAN $16 A DAY TO LIVE IN MANHATTAN!

THIS IS A 1 ROOM UNPARTITIONED STUDIO APT THAT IS SORT OF SET UP DORMITORY STYLE WITH LOFT BEDS AND CURTAIN DIVIDERS.

WE ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO WON'T BE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME IN THE APT AND WON'T BE BRINGING IN MUCH STUFF.

...

NO SMOKERS PLEASE AND YOU MUST BE A CAT LOVER BECAUSE I OWN A VERY AFFECTIONATE CAT.

...

AVAILABLE JULY 1ST.
SAINT MARKS PLACE at 2ND AVENUE

h/t @serenaspeaks

Next thing you know, there's a pork bun in the oven

Boooo!

And a Missed Connection, which you never know are for real...

You had me at "Can I get just one pork bun?" - m4w - 30 (East Village)
Date: 2012-05-30, 5:10PM EDT

My first Ippudo, you were so generous with the cucumber.

Let's try Alta next?

A mid-morning Craigslist 'Missed Connections' break

5 am — St Marks to 20th Street - w4m (East Village)
Date: 2012-05-13, 2:37PM EDT

Met outside Crif Dogs and walked from St Marks to 20th Street really late at night/early morning. Had a photo session w/ a homeless man. I bought cup noodles from him. I was wearing a black and yellow leopard print dress and ketchup on my face...

Via

What does it take to become the 'super nanny' for an A-list celeb's daughter?

A little mid-afternoon entertainment via a reader... from Craigslist (whether it's real, you never know...):

**** DAUGHTER OF A-LIST CELEB SEEKS DREAM NANNY ! $1500 WKLY ****** (Greenwich Village)
Please DO NOT Apply if you do not ADHERE TO ALL REQUIREMENTS BELOW
DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT apply if you are not a resident of NEW YORK.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I CAN NOT REITERATE ENOUGH, PLEASE DO NOT APPLY UNLESS YOU MEET THESE VERY SPECIFIC GUIDELINES BELOW. PLEASE READ ALL and FOLLOW VERY STRICT INSTRUCTIONS OR YOUR RESUME WILL BE DELETED.

I am looking for my Dream Nanny. Immediate hire. Interviews beginning TODAY and TOMORROW $1500 on the books. I want you to be part of our family and for my kids to adore you until they go to college.

JOB DESCRIPTION:
This is a LONG TERM position (15 years + COMMITMENT) for someone who is LEGAL to WORK as a LIVE-IN NANNY.... NO EXCEPTIONS. THIS IS A STRUCTURED AND BUSY JOB WITH RULES, TO-DO LISTS, ETC. You will NOT be left to care for my children alone. I will always be present and I am an active stay-at-home mom. ***** I HAVE HOUSEKEEPER, your job is to be my SUPER NANNY, but of course clean up after the kids and do their laundry (rarely) if needed.

HOURS: 6 FULL DAYS, OR 7 if you need a place to stay. ******You can choose EITHER TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY as your DAY OFF. Summer days ( July & August Hamptons)

CHILDREN: 13 month old girl, 3 year old boy and newborn on the way (3 children)

YOU MUST BE Physically fit & Agile, energetic, active, have good intuition, be loving, engaging, and creative. Can you chase after 3 kids running in all 3 different directions? When my children are playing on the floor will you roll around with them? Can you crawl and jump? Can they climb on your back and hug and kiss you because they love you and think you are the best Nanny ever? I want someone who will stay with my children all while they are in grade school and high school until they leave for college.

1. PHOTO PHOTO PHOTO PHOTO! DO NOT EMAIL WITHOUT A PHOTO
2. List References NAME, and Contact NUMBER (All references will be contacted AFTER I talk to you first
3. Send RESUME
4. MUST have experience as a LIVE-IN NANNY (newborn- age 4 experience)
*** MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH MULTIPLES (twins, triplets a plus)
5. MUST have been with prior families LONG-TERM, ie, 3+ years
6. RESPOND with either TUESDAY or WEDNESDAY in the subject line (as your day off) to let me know you have READ THE ENTIRE POST. ALL RESUMES THAT DO NOT ADHERE WILL BE DELETED. I need someone who pays attention to detail. If you can not follow simple instructions here, I do not want you caring for my children.
7. MUST BE Fluent in English --- can read, write, speak.
8. NOT allergic to animals - We have a large strong dog who roams as he pleases
*** MUST BE NEAT FREAK, & Super Organized
9. SWIM is a MUST! We travel to Hamptons, take boat trips and go to beach and pool when weather is warm.

What East Village coffee bar/cafe is for sale?

This Craigslist ad popped up yesterday morning:

East Village Coffee Bar/Cafe for Sale << - $159,000 (Manhattan) Attractive and cozy cafe located in East Village for sale. Approx. 750 sq. ft. of attractive space plus a full basement. Newly built out in 2008, including all new electrical, plumbing. custom windows, A/C, security and audio systems. Lots of fridge/freezer/display units, electric stovetop, dual espresso machine, panini grill and much more.

There's a number to call for a business consultant... but no mention of what space is for sale. Any thoughts?

Love and a silverware tray

We always enjoy the more Garry Marshall-movie-sounding Missed Connections ...

silverware tray - w4m - 27 (East Village)
hello strange guy - i just walked into a random junk dollar store on 14th st somewhere between 1st and B looking for a silverware drawer tray and the only other person in there was you, and you were looking for the same thing. we both bought one even though the only option was kind of garbage. you were tall and wearing what looked like a motorcycle helmet. i dont know why i'm writing this, i've never used this before - as far as i know the only thing we have in common is that we both use silverware. as good a foundation as any, i guess.

Your chance to live in a cabin on the Lower East Side

Oh, sorry — thats's a Cabin Caravan. So this Craigslist ad is making the rounds:

Small unusual cabin caravan in Manhattan's lower east side situated on a forested edge of a private lot with 24/7 security. Large windows and a skylight ensure an open and airy feel in the minimally furnished interior outfitted with a full sized bed, desk, lamp and kettle for making tea or coffee. Linens and blankets will be provided.

Appealing places, cheap and otherwise, within walking distance for dining and entertainment and several small parks within easy access to public transportation. A bicycle and a lock are included with the cabin if you prefer travel above ground.

The cabin has no running water or toilet, there is a toilet on the property steps away.
Previous guests have used a convenient 24 hour gym to shower.

Single occupancy or couple preferred, perfect for someone quiet, clean, independent, no pets.

All the windows shut and lock and there are curtains so you are not exposed, there is a heater, the space is small and warms easily, there are plenty of extra blankets if necessary.

$900 for the entire month, can be prorated.

Here's what it allegedly looks like...

Whether this is all real, well, you never know with Craigslist. Still, we're feeling a bout of cabin fever coming on...

Today in rants: the Peter Stuyvesant Post Office

[Image via]

Via Craigslist today...

PETER STUYVESANT P.O. WORSE EVER! (East Village)
Date: 2011-12-24, 7:14AM EST

Peter Stuyvesant Post Office has done it again, lost another one of my packages — and they seem not to care in the least. They scanned it delivered last Monday, December 5th and I WAS NOT EVEN HOME. Who did they give it to? They don't know and they don't care. It is appalling that the residents of the East Village must be held hostage by this shoddy Post Office. It has the monopoly and realizes there is nothing we can do about it. I spoke to a temporary Postal Carrier about my lost package, trying to get information, and her response was, "I am just here temporarily. At least I hope so. This is the worst Post Office ever and I am trying desperately to get reassigned." Even their own workers know it sucks. WORST POST OFFICE EVER.

Does anyone like this post office branch on East 14th Street near Avenue A?

Report: Cops bust Craigslist apartment scammer

In the Post today, there's an NYPD Daily Blotter item about a woman trying to lease a man an apartment on East Sixth Street that was already occupied.

The victim responded to an ad on Craigslist and arranged with Emma Hunt, 25, to lease the pad on East Sixth Street, between First and Second Avenues, for $3,250, court papers claim.

The victim forked over the money and was given a set of keys that didn’t work, cops said.

Hunt was arrested Oct. 19 and charged with grand larceny.

The power of the dark side: Did you take a Darth Vader bag last night from Manitoba's?

Via Craigslist:

Darth Vader bag taken from Manitoba's bar - w4m (Lower East Side)

Date: 2011-09-03, 6:32AM EDT

I'm a bartender at Manitoba's. A friends bag was taken while she was sitting at the bar on Friday night on September 2nd. Whether it was taken by accident or not is not really important. There was no money or profitable property so there is nothing to gain. However there was an important notebook, keys and an important form. I'm offering a reward of $50 no questions asked if you drop the bag by the bar for Xandra. Thank you

Uncool. And, alert all commands. Calculate every possible destination along their last known trajectory.

I recommend returning the bag.

[via]

How Hollywood recreates a 'Lower East Side club scene'

You can always count on Craigslist for some comic relief...

Here's the listing:

We're seeking extras (21-35 or look youngish) to help emulate the feel of a cool, hip, sexy, dark Lower East Side club scene [Think 'Last Nights Party-meets-Cobra Snake' photos.] We want people to have fun [but not look like they are having too much fun] and be able to act cool and sexy. We also are looking for people who are comfortable expressing themselves when dancing with a partner. If you have any skillz in movement, we want you to express them, even if it's sort of weird! This will be an artistic version of a night club scene. Feel free to bring a prop, bring all your best, cool, mostly black but even slightly outrageous colorful gear if it works.

1 day of shooting for a couple of hours next Wednesday, July 13 (call times will be given to those locked in, but around 10-11A or after.) Non-union. Will provide food and drinks and lots of fun!

Film crew is super cool, professional and efficient and you will be shot by one of the best DPs in the business. Please submit head shots and/or any photo where we can get an idea of how you look.

Would you pay $150 for Momofuku Ko reservations?

We spotted this item last evening at Eater.

Someone is looking to command $150 on Craigslist just for the pleasure to get into Momofuku Ko this Saturday night. The rest is up to you!

Noted

As always, Craigslist

To the guy jerking off in his apt.. - w4m - 23 (East Village)

Date: 2010-12-16, 3:14AM EST

You should have invited me inside! Lol.. From what I could see you were nicely hung and I could have had some fun with that ;). I'll be looking in your window next time I walk by for sure!!

Waiting for the catch

Thanks to a reader for this Craigslist ad...

$780 Female Roommate Wanted - Your own bedroom in 2 1/2 Bedroom apartment (East Village)
Date: 2010-11-16, 8:44PM EST

Furnished bedroom available in spacious 2 1/2 bedroom apartment. Doorman, high floor, city and sunset views, sunny, etc. Washer, dryer and dishwasher in the apartment. The apartment has good heat, is quiet for sleeping, has good air-conditioning, high speed internet and a spare computer for the roommate's use. It's an elevator building and there is a health club in the building. The room is about 200 sq. ft., has a double bed, dresser, desk, walk in closet and a window with a nice view. I'm looking for a female roommate who will occasionally not wear clothes when I ask in exchange for free rent. No sex whatsoever required. Otherwise the rent is $780/month, everything included.

Everything must go

Blue Glass sent along this rather sad Craigslist ad...

Lost My Apartment - Selling Everything Cheap - $25 (East Village)
Date: 2010-11-04, 3:56PM EDT

Landlord destabilized my apartment and I could no longer afford it. What to get rid of stuff that I'll never use: dresser, wicker parson's chair, ornamental hanging globes, lamp. Everything is stored in a facility on 10th Street at Avenue D. Elevator and dollies available. Would like things gone by the weekend.

Sane 'exhibitionist' looking for two female roommates for fun — not to mention clean, safe sex

No lease, though! As always, Craigslist! (Shockers! It has already been removed!)

$200 Exhibitionist guy wants 2 female roommates (East Village)
Date: 2010-10-26, 5:42PM EDT

I am a young single guy looking for a 2 female roommates. I am an exhibitionist... Its artistic and not in dirty way. I am also looking for clean and safe sex. I am clean, sane, friendly and respectful and fun to be with. So, if you are female and open minded, please drop me a note and we can be roommates. Ideal for female college students and artists. No lease, month to month. Send email with your picture.

[Hat tip to the EV Grieve reader who sent this along...]

Worst euphemism ever for penis

Where else?

Cute pixie seeking sponsors for kids on astor - m4w - 30 (East Village)

Date: 2010-10-21, 11:03PM EDT

You, petite, dark haired, super cute student asked me how i was doing. I stopped. You, nervous, repeated the question. Then: was I on my way to work? Yes. You wanted to tell me about sponsoring kids. I told you I was already sponsoring 3 through a different agency. I didn't have any more room on my roster.

I was wrong: there's plenty of room on my roster.