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Well, I'll go first.
ReplyDeleteIn February, I got that flu that everyone seemed to get. Somehow, the Giant Pink Sports Bra found out. I was slumped on the couch, watching an episode of "Matlock" on Channel 55 when there was a knock on the door. And there was the Giant Pink Sports Bra with two cups of chicken noodle soup, ginger ale and some women's fitness magazines. And vitamins from GNC, of course. (I didn't mind the shameless product plug.)
Anyway, it was this kind of random act of kindness that made this Giant Pink Sports Bra unique. It will be missed.
One night, I guess I had been a little depressed or stressed out about something or other, I had a few too many at the good ol' Pour House. After a whirlwind of whiskey, tequila and slutty redhead shots, I ended up stumbling down the sidewalk, where I immediately slapped face-first onto the cement. I lay there in a daze, in no shape to get myself home. Laying on my back, looking up at the dark sky, I saw something floating by. A unicorn? A UFO? A beautiful angel to take me to the pearly gates? It started to descend, but before I could make out what it was, I lost consciousness.
ReplyDeleteI woke up again minutes later. I was warm and cradled, with a sense of safety I had not had since I was a swaddled baby. When I looked up, I finally saw who the figure was: the neighborhood Pink Sports Bra. I smiled up at her, and then fell back into a cozy sleep inside the plush, warm left cup.
I woke up again minutes later in bed. As I reached down to pull a blanket over me, I saw Pink Sports Bra slipping out the door, stopping to look back and smile, like a doting loving mother.
The neighborhood is gonna be a lot less safe without this good samaritan around.
Thanks for sharing, anon.
ReplyDeleteI admit my eyes got moist reading this...
We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, two dozen amyls and a Giant Pink Sports Bra. The only thing that really worried me was the Giant Pink Sports Bra. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a Giant Pink Sports Bra, and I knew we'd get into that rotten thing pretty soon.
ReplyDelete#RIPGPSB
ReplyDeleteSomeone should make a mural...
@ Hey 19
ReplyDeleteOr set up a GPSB Twitter account!
Ah, snow! I missed that this year.
ReplyDeleteOh man, a mural of the giant pink sports bra. META.
ReplyDeleteThat GPSB was the closest I've come to a tit in the past 3 or 4 years. It'll be missed.
ReplyDelete