A little slice-of-Mars-Bar life via Matt Rosen at les pensées insouciantes:
Curly bleached blonde ‘do — sides buzzed…
Skin-tight, distressed boatneck top, with a low enough scoop to show off some of that tasty —- and Manly™ —- burger meat…
Obligatory skinny jeans and Chuck Taylors…
Without a moment’s hesitation, confidently, like he’s done a hundred times before:
“Three PBR’s.”
Bartender:
“We don’t have it.”
Hipster:
[Look of utter disappointment and confusion. Noticeably rattled. You can see the immediate calculation going on in his head…“Dare I be caught drinking something as bourgie as…a Budweiser?” He regroups, poised just enough to mumble…]
“Bud is, fine.”
His order placed, he shrugs off this initial misstep and falls back into the comfort of his group while the drinks are prepared.
The bartender returns.
Our hipster whips out the plastic.
Bartender:
“Cash only.”
Hipster:
“Uh, oh…okay.”
Back to the pack. Hands struggle down deep into tight, practically vacuum-sealed front pockets for some crumpled up greenbacks.
Just enough.
Phew.
Our hipster takes a cool sip from the unfamiliar bottle, his hand shaking a little, a bead of sweat emerging from his forehead. He turns back into the pack and starts to bop his head to what he’s pretty sure is The Stooges playing on the jukebox.
I can't wait for the post on the eight types of hipsters. But really, we all do love gross generalizations.
ReplyDeletePretty sure I was that hipster about ten years ago, only much poorer and less beefcake and ordering Guinness. Had to settle for -gasp- Beck's Dark.
ReplyDeleteI've been guilty of trying to act cool in a bar that I felt uncomfortable in at the outset. Years back I was in a seemingly locals-only bar in Atlantic City away from the casinos. I ordered a beer and confidently turned away from the bar to check out the juke box and got my legs caught up on a stool. I fell face first on the ground. I didn't break the beer bottle. I thought about running out. But I decided to stick it out. I put the bottle back on the bar, apologized and said that I'd need another one of these. One of the old-timers said something like, "Don't worry, we've all been there."
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely important to remember that we've all been there.
ReplyDeletehahaha well done matt rosen
ReplyDeleteYes, we've all been there...BUT, expecting to pay with a credit card at a place like Mars Bar?
ReplyDeleteWell, to be fair, you'd expect Mars to carry PBR and/or beer cheaper than $5. And, most places these days take cards, so this situation is not all that unusual.
ReplyDeleteNow, if the guy had demanded a watermelon-tini in a goblet with maraschino cherries on the side, that might change my opinion...
Have seen a few people order draft beer... Still waiting for the truck bomb request...
ReplyDelete"Bud is, fine."
ReplyDeleteA credit card in Mars bar LMFAO
ReplyDeleteThis bar smells like piss and vomit. Of course it is only patronized by phony hipster types.
ReplyDelete