Introducing ChatEVG™

After 18 years of covering the East Village, it was probably inevitable: EVG is entering the AI space.

Introducing ChatEVG™ — a Large Language Model (LLM) trained on nearly two decades of posts, reader tips, comments, rumors, CB3 agendas and menus from long-closed neighborhood restaurants.

ChatEVG™ can understand, summarize, generate and predict human-like responses based on user prompts.

Early testing suggests it performs especially well when asked to:

• Decode "closed for renovations" signs
• Translate broker-speak on storefront listings ("turnkey," "motivated seller," etc.)
• Add just enough reassuring language to make you uneasy ("bring your architect," "no plans for a full liquor license at this time")

There are still a few bugs to fix. For example, ChatEVG™ will sometimes suggest that readers who disagree simply move back to Ohio (or Iowa) or the suburbs, and remind you that "New York has always been about _____."

It also tends to assume that any new business will close within six months.

In any event, built for peak neighborhood performance, ChatEVG™ also offers:

• A proprietary Nostalgia Engine™ calibrated to 18 months after you moved here
• Predictive modeling on whether a "coming soon" sign means two weeks or two years
• Automated detection of smoke shops or markets posing as something else

For now, on this April 1, ChatEVG™ is open.