What constitutes a roommate who sucks? In this case, the people who placed the ad — "two cool guys from Michigan who went to school at the University of Michigan" — explain what went wrong with the third roommate, a woman who has agreed to move out.
And to the ad:
Here are some of the things we experienced in our first three months with her. Stop reading if you seriously might do one of the things listed below. Otherwise, take humor in our past suffering.
1) You own a non-spaded dog that gets dog period juice (that's right, I called it that) all over the apartment, and then you decide not to tell us about it until we find it is an epidemic of disgustingnesss. It was cleaned up by a maid.
2) You pull stuff out of the garbage and attempt to reuse it. In this case, the prior roommate removed a water bottle container that had been used to store urine during an emergency situation. Yes, our roommate drank from a plastic water-bottle filled with piss for seven days that she pulled out of the garbage. Fireworks followed. More can be told in person.
3) You attempt to fix a freezer frozen completely shut with a hammer. I can't make this shit up.
4) You let us know the day before rent is due that rent+utilities exceeds your budget during your first month living with us.
5) You regularly and randomly start crying during any serious conversation.
Oddly enough, we started regularly and randomly crying while reading this ad...
17 comments:
I have to move. Maybe there's a room for me in Peoria. Oh wait a minute, I know somebody in Peoria.
1750 for a 3rd roomie... Must be a trendy gut Reno place with a couple of fratastic decorating choices..
Spaded? Really? University of Michigan? No wonder I hate your type.
This is like twelve yucks!!!
If you don't like dog period juice, move back to Michigan.
"One of us worked for a startup... while the other works for a large startup"
Can't wait for the next dotcom crash, so that these self-entitled hicks will go back to flat, boring, smallmindedville.
It's menstrual blood, not "dog period juice" -- what are these guys, 12? Sheesh.
That being said, it's probably a good idea to get the dog spayed.
Atrocious grammar. Way to go University of Michigan, this kid lacks basic communication skills. He sounds even dumber than the average EV frat-tard. That is saying a lot.
So this is who watches college football games at Finnerty's.
This is def the dudes who live in the apartment above me. They sit on the fire escape and play crap Jack Johnson songs on their guitars. And think they are charming the entire east village with their singer/songwriting dreams. They play video games all day and night - the sound of constant gunfire through the floorboards is giving us PTSD. They are def paying at least that much for their crappy gut-reno apt in a six floor walk up.
And they would have needed to use a plastic bottle for an "emergency situation" After all the bathroom is 3 feet away and you are too drunk to walk there.
Holy crap. I'm randomly crying right now. Standards at my alma mater have have seriously declined. Spaded? Really?
What urine emergency requires pissing in a bottle? Real men piss in the sink.
How are they expecting to get a considerate roommate when ALL they did with their ad is bash their last one?
That's really gonna attract people in droves.
@Uncle Waltie: I've got a spot for you on my futon! And there's only a couple of 7-Elevens here!
I am really considering doing some recon...
"3) You attempt to fix a freezer frozen completely shut with a hammer. I can't make this shit up"
wait? what? you are not supposed to bang hammers on things that don't work?
bah! Hulk SMASH and things work fine!
How does a 5K a month apartment have a fridge that isn't self defrosting?
Marty,
I'm saving this invitation to my I-Pad...don't disavow me when I do finally show up. Got lot's of idle time on my hands and feet and lips. Oh shit...just realized I don't have an I-Pad.
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