The flaming tips

Hunter-Gatherer found a dandy bartenders wanted ad for that place on Second Avenue and Fourth Street that has been named like 75 different things of late. Oh, are you good with flames and fire shows? Very helpful!

I miss the simple times when bartenders didn't need flames to be a good bartender.

Noted

Via ComedyJuice:

Don't Let the Muggles Know! - w4mm - 30 (East Village)
Reply to: pers-941491075@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-12-02, 12:27AM EST

I am a lonely, beautiful woman living alone with my cat, Mrs. Norris. I work as a janitor. You will refer to me as Filch.
I need at least 5 men. You will arrive at my apartment. There will be a picture of a fat lady on the door, and you will tell her the pre-arranged password. You will be dressed based on your character. The characters I need are listed below.
Harry Potter: You must be barely legal, and arrive with your firebolt ready for the best game of quidditch you'll ever play.
Ron Weasley: You absolutely must have red hair and freckles. You must show up with firewhiskey.
Draco Malfoy: Blonde. Be able to cry on demand.
Remus Lupin: You will alternate between wolf and man. Howl, baby, howl!
Albus Dumbledore: You must be a proud gay man ready to penetrate every other man present You must have a beard and wear a wizard's hat and half-moon spectacles.
As you arrive, I shall chain you to the walls of my apartment, which I will have converted into a dungeon. Mrs. Norris shall excite you all into the most aroused state you've ever experienced (I've trained her well, so don't worry--if she fails to tickle your pickle, though, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve--engorgio, anyone?).
After I punish you all for being out after curfew, and take a few house points, Harry will escape, grab me around the waist, and begin sodomizing me. With each stroke, he will yell out one of the wrongs I have committed against him (example: "and THIS is for helping Umbridge"). After we've both come harder than Hagrid in heat, Ron and Draco will escape.
Ron will beat Draco with a broomstick I'll provide. Then, he will penetrate the Slytherin with the Cleansweep, who will, at this point, be crying about how his dad's in Azkaban.
Lupin will escape as he "transforms" into a wolf. He forgot his wolfsbane potion tonight! He will have his way with whatever his wolfy instincts demand!
I will then pleasure Ron. With my dirty squib mouth.
Finally, Dumbledore will escape and exact his right as Headmaster of Hogwarts.
Then, firewhiskey all around!
Who knows what else the night will bring...
---
Please send pictures, preferably in costume. I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, and I've been haunted by this fantasy since PoA came out (the book, of course). Please please please help me to realize it!
Also, if you know any submissive small men, we might add a Dobby to the fun.

Market price?: Recent college grad will sleep in your yard or garage for $100 a month (anywhere in Manhattan)

From a Craigslist posting. Can't guarantee that this is authentic, but...:

$100 Yes I'm that crazy, but I want the minimum possible (anywhere in manhattan)

I want to get rid of my expensive rent and be semi homeless. Obviously there are a lot of risks so I'm wondering if there's anybody out there willing to lower my risks with a certain place to stay. I know the economy is bad so maybe you would like some extra money. I want to believe that there are people who are willing to help a person in need. I have up to $100 to spend on housing a month. Could I sleep outside in your backyard? Sounds crazy I know, but I've been practicing as I plan to get rid of my rent. So I'm in no danger of dying or getting sick. I'm probably the healthiest person within any given 2 mile radius. Maybe you have unused space in your garage. I could buy a filter/face mask. All I need is a small 6 x 3 corner of your living room. I have a sleeping pad to sleep on the ground as I prefer it to the couch. I can actually sleep on 3 lined up cushioned chairs.

I would only use your place for sleep. I will pay for any extra services/amenities. My goal is to live as simply as possible and try to be as unobtrusive as possible (unless you like having me around, I'm a very laid back good listener). I would wake up in the early morning and leave right a way and come back at night at a convenient time for you (unless I'm sleeping outside). I have one large book bag which houses all of my supplies.

I actually do have a lot of knowledge skills that could better your life if interested. I graduated magna cum laude at a tier 1 school recently. So maybe in return for room and board, I can provide errand services. I can clean your house, cook, pick up your dry cleaning, movie tickets, make reservations, wait in long lines, food shopping, walk your dog, water your plants, house sit, pick up your mail, research work on the computer etc. Anything that I can do while listening to music is fine. I'm in love with the Internet, and I read up on all sorts of information. I think I'm pretty qualified to tell you how to effectively learn languages, how to strength train and lose weight, what kind of gadgets to buy, how to save hundreds on groceries. My main passion lies with personal health (i'm cut with a six pack) and I'd love to help educate you on fitness and even cook great meals for you.

[Via New York City Metblogs]

Are we in a recession because that one seller on craigslist says we are?

Are we in a recession? (New York Times)

Student union

Ah, young, Ivy League love in the city. Gothamist had this Craigslist link yesterday:

Hi! We were on the RED local line, I got on at 14th Street, you were already on the train. I got off at Columbia University 116th. Around 5PM. It was very crowded and you were behind me. We talked awkardly while you were still behind my back, pushed into each other. I told you I hate being an undergrad, we connected. You eneded up fingering me while no one else was noticing. I didn't get your full e-mail. If you see this, let me know. I hope you do! I miss you.

Wow.

Well, I think this is just a viral campaign for next season's How I Met Your Mother. That Ted!