Cindy Adams has the lowdown on the toilets (and other things) at the new Yankee Stadium

It's difficult to say which is more wretchedly excessive...

The column today by Cindy Adams in which she secretly tours the new Yankee Stadium....

Or!

The new stadium's amenities...

It's up to you, brave soul, to decide.

Architectural Digest bedrooms aren't as classy as the players' locker room. Stainless steel rods just to hang their socks. Individual wooden closets. And let it be known my behind sat in Derek Jeter's space even before his.

Their can is blue granite. Four urinals, five commodes, enough shower space for 16 naked Yankees with their bats and balls.

Alongside's a hydrotherapy blue- and white-tiled area with whirlpools and a Swimex thing wherein the current moves but you don't and it's as if you've swum 15 laps. Plus a trainers room for massages, rubdowns, X-rays, specialists, first aid and God knows. Plus a doctor's office. Signs signifying each room are in Yankee pinstripes. Plus, to duck the dreaded press, a hidden super-private dressing room with giant wall mirror and 12 luxury closets. Plus a wall-to-wall mirrored gym (no equipment in it yet) so elegant it looks like a dance studio. Thoughts of Hideki Matsui at a ballet barre ran through my head.

The players' 30,000 square feet just for themselves includes a dining suite. Two rooms. One with the handmade Yankee logo rug has couches for lounging, sipping, noshing and TVing. The other, with chafing dishes plus wherewithal to prep individual menus, is a catering hall. I mean, talk of catering!

And!

Now, for the fans. Honoring The Bronx's Grand Concourse grandeur, a giant, wide, 31,000-square-foot Great Hall. Said Valerie Peltier, managing director of the project and daughter of developer Tishman-Speyer's Jerry Speyer: "It's where you'll meet and greet, buy your programs and peanuts and goodies." Wheelchair accessible, there are 1,300 doors, 10 ticket kiosks, 16 elevators, 30 stairways, escalators, ramps, concession stands, 1,100 flat high-def TVs everywhere, including in the ladies' gorgeous johns. I tell you the truth - it was a real pleasure to go.

By the way, according to Cindy, the dugouts are heated and air conditioned. Not at the same time, though. (Sorry...too much Cindy.)

[Image via NYY Stadium Insider]

Cindy Adams takes on the inconveniences and unpleasantries of having to ride in elevators with commoners

What a hassle!

Take residential buildings where tenants have no in-house washer and dryer. Residents must schlep laundry to the basement washroom or nearest Laundromat. I understand they don't wish to be dirty neighbors but can't they cover their menfolks' unwashed BVDs? Tuck their own bra straps inside the basket? Under the box of Ivory? Those who are big-busted or cosmetically enhanced could invest in Ivory's economy-size box.

Food delivery is another thing. The pizza guy coming up. The Chinese-food delivery boy. Always nice to have the aroma of subgum wafting to the roof. And can we talk about the sweaty bicycle rider who gets in with his helmet, leg clamps, wheel chain -- and does NOT look like Lance Armstrong?

In buildings minus a service elevator, one must occasionally cool one's designer heels as deliverymen load cartons of toilet paper, Pampers and oranges that always roll out of their brown-paper bags into the lift. Everyone stares into the bags thinking, "Hmmm, chuck steak instead of T-bone. Apartment 46K's having money trouble."

Previously.

Speaking of landmarks and chicken fat, Cindy Adams thinks East Houston has a problem

From her column in the Post yesterday:

NOW, Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber's glamorous glorious gorgeous premiere of "Defiance" at the Landmark Sunshine Theater. Landmarked? The thing should be condemned. Sunshine? Their VIP reception room is a windowless, airless basement. But maybe it's the location that counts. East Houston Street just a vat of chicken fat from Yonah Schimmel's knishery.