Avast, matey! Know ye th' Skull & Scuppers? I've a fierce fire in m belly t' swill a pint or two o' grog

Seventh Street and Avenue C. Sorry — just making up for missing “Talk Like a Pirate Day" last week.

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay...It's a death row pardon two minutes too late

Thanks to New York magazine for including my Pirates of the Yunnibbean post in their Neighborhood Watch feature this week... (And thanks to EV Grieve reader Pinhead for the link...)

St. Mark's Place, 5:55 p.m., May 24

At Superdive tonight: Unlimited champagne served by a midget in a pirate costume

The buzzy, pre-opening, OMG-are-they-really-serving-kegs? days of the summer are over for Superdive. Now it's time to do something really stupid to get people talking again! (Guilty!) UrbanDaddy has the Superdive scoop, of course.

Tuesday nights. Unlimited champagne. Sabered open for you. In a bathtub on wheels. By a midget dressed as a pirate.

Let's just let that marinate for a minute.

Welcome to Champagne Tuesdays at Superdive, a new bastion of cultural elitism and intellectual camaraderie, debuting tomorrow in your favorite beer-scented pit of depravity in the East Village.

If ordering a keg to your table, doing a keg-stand on said keg, or generally gallivanting about in the Wild Wild West of dive bars just was too tame for you, here's your chance to let your hair down a little more. Twenty bucks and an appetite for champagne and destruction gets you all the bubbly you can drink, and, yes, that champagne will be sabered and served to you by a little person named Nick wearing a pirate outfit.

At this point, you might be asking yourself why a tiny pirate wielding a tiny saber meant to chop the top off of a champagne bottle is manning a mobile bathtub full of bubbly bottles. And you also might be asking yourself why you would be purchasing champagne from this tiny Jack Sparrow.

Well, because it's Tuesday.