Photos and text by Stacie Joy
I'm not much for imparting personal information here on EV Grieve, but occasionally, something happens that I'm comfortable with — or feel compelled to try — sharing.
A local family, the Meltzers, have been quietly supporting the community for years through words and deeds, and I am grateful to have them as friends. Hilary, whom I met through yoga, a lawyer working for the City of New York, her husband Harold, a world-renowned composer, and their two children, Julia and Elijah. All are community-oriented, quietly donating to help our newest neighbors, those in need, and those who are hungry or in need of comfort.
For the past six years, Harold has been fighting a progressive disease that has resulted in a series of strokes and the increasing loss of mobility, all the while keeping up his good humor (or bad dad jokes, as Elijah and Julia might say).
Sadly, this week, the disease got the better of him. Hilary messaged me over the weekend that sepsis had set in, and the doctors didn't think he'd survive the night — and they were right.
He died on Monday morning, Aug. 12. He was 58.
I'm grateful to have known him, to have heard his truly awful jokes, to enjoy his complicated music, and to have discussed literature and travel with him. Before my first trip to Rome, he carefully prepared a list of must-see places for me and had plenty of time to discuss gelato and the best basilicas with me.
At the packed funeral (a testament to how loved he was), Hilary spoke movingly about the difference between suffering and misery, between victim and victimhood. I often wonder if I'd have the grace he had as the disease robbed him of his ability to walk and use his extremities, if I would have the good humor to smile and roll out in an electric wheelchair for a midday cappuccino.
I know there are more formal obituaries for him, like at The New York Times. However, I'd like to say that I'm grateful to have met Harold and will miss him now that he's gone.
19 comments:
I am sorry for the loss of your friend, and for his family's loss.
Very sorry you lost a friend. A wonderfully written tribute.
Lovely tribute. What a passion he had for music, he knew it was his true calling and followed it through.
So very sad to hear of this loss....It sounds like he and his family left quite an impression on all who knows them.May he rest in peace where he will have music all around 🎶🎼🎹
We were neighbors for a brief time and he was a wonderful person, same as his wife Hilary - a wonderful family, kind and community minded. Grateful to have crossed paths with them.
Sorry to hear of your friend Stacie, my blessings to you and his family. Please find comfort knowing that he is not suffering anymore.
Thank you for the lovely and kind words and for the photos that so aptly capture his optimism and spirit.
Stacie, we so much appreciate this wonderful tribute, and we are grateful for your friendship with the family.
I am so sorry for your loss.
May his memory be a blessing.
I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like a loss to the community, as well.
It is so important to bear witness and make note of the passing of those who have moved us. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Nice write up.
It’s so true that saying about who you truly are is revealed in your dying . I’ve lost friends lately to horrible illnesses and as the disease takes them little by little what amazed me is how they didn’t complain but were full of the joy of life , the appreciation for the little things and much they cared about the wellbeing of others. Harold sounds like one of those truly remarkable humans who you never forget and inspire us to be better .
Life is just so unfair sometimes. Damn. He was still a young man too. Condolences to his friends and family. RIP Harold
I agree with everyone who said that this was a very moving tribute.
The line "Hilary spoke movingly about the difference between suffering and misery, between victim and victimhood" that immediately struck me, and it is something I will think about a lot. I wrote it down, and I want to give it a proper consideration.
I am sad about this loss, he sounds like an amazing man.
I’ll think it’s important that you posted this and shared such an extraordinary human being that we all would’ve been lucky to meet. Your work has been focused on humanizing every one and every thing in this community, so no apologies needed. I’m so sorry he’s gone and I wish I could’ve met him. Chin up and thanks for sharing his life with us.
Harold !!!!! What a terrible loss for the East Village and for all for all the many, many people who loved him.
My condolences to the family.
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