Friday, December 17, 2010

13th Precinct pays visit to local blogger; deemed safe to society


Back on Nov. 2o, Stuy Town's Lux Living posted a satirical item titled "Tenant to Children: STFU." The post was based on an e-mail in which a resident complained about screaming children playing in Stuy Town early Saturday mornings.

Per the resident: "Parents, nobody likes your kids. THEY ARE ONLY CUTE TO YOU. Keep them indoors, tied up, gagged, drugged, WHATEVER, and stop letting them loose at 8AM on Saturday mornings."

Lux Living illustrated the post with a crying child in a rifle scope's crosshairs. Which didn't go over well with some residents. In total, the post generated 70 comments... Given the controversy over the image, Lux Living changed the illustration to the one pictured above. Meanwhile, a few angry residents were fearful that a real whackjob was living among them.

Enter the police.

I'll let the folks at Lux Living, who shared this with me, pick up the story from here.

Detectives from the 13th Precinct stopped by today to check on my lucidity and be sure there were no guns in my apartment after some tenants complained that I was inciting violence by posting an email sent to me for the "Tenant to Children: STFU!" post. They were really nice and understood the Lux Living post in question was satire but they had a job to do. After a tour of my apartment and some light conversation about my art collection and antique furniture it was clear to them that I am just a writer with a dark sense of humor and not a threat to society.


Yesterday, the Lux Living team felt compelled to write a clarification for the benefit of new readers.

It has come to our attention that some of Stuy Town's new suburban transplants haven't caught on that Lux Living is a satirical website even with such lively content. Unfortunately, when they moved to the city not only did they bring their ill-behaving children and bourgeoisie sensibilities, they also brought their fear mongering.

The downside to this, aside from becoming a terrible bore to those around them, is that they lost the ability to distinguish a perceived threat from over the top, in-poor-taste, Married With Children / John Waters / Always Sunny-esque humor.

And just to spell it out: "There is nobody targeting children, setting neon colored bear traps baited with mint candies and silly bandz, or razor scooter jousting taking place."

The post includes an epic comment from Park Avenue Grinch, who discusses the "the tsunami of suburbanite dullards that are spreading throughout the city like Dutch Elm disease – another suburban blight."

21 comments:

VH McKenzie said...

As a mother of 2 kids, both of whom have thankfully grown to an age where they prefer to sleep until noon rather than bounce off the walls at 5am (8am would have been a gift), I think this whole story is hysterically funny.

Yes, parents, on Saturday mornings take your lovelies to a park. A park in a galaxy far, far away......

Anonymous said...

Why aren't we combining the bear trap idea with the frat boy problem? Can't we set traps for them baited with Jagermeister?

Let's think this through.

Goggla said...

Wow, that was the best thing I could have read with my morning coffee. Bravo!

Anonymous said...

Do a post about the annoying, screaming, chanting children that play 3 times a day in the lot next to 220 e 4th street, where the sounds bounce of all the neughboring walls and the moronic teachers allow the screaming and chanting to be as loud as possible an stand there like idiots. But it's a "religious" school so they think they can do whatever they want. Most annoying building ever (including the scaffolding insanity which, is understandable.)

Anonymous said...

Ah, I didn't realize that "going DC sniper" on children was considered so funny!

Grieve, your blog is awesome, informative, sometimes dark, and always has great conversation. How can you really defend these creeps?

Anonymous said...

OMFG! This is the funniest thing ever! The Stroller Mafia have completely lost their minds.

Sharon said...

As a single Mom that did her job well--OK, she's still alive at 42--I loved this piece. I am so tired of being held hostage by the Mommy Mafia. The ones that think procreating gives them license to trample on everyone else's civil liberties-and quiet mornings-or simple grocery shopping trips. Thanks for the laugh.

STFUParents said...

Ha, this was just sent to me from a reader of my blog. As an NYC resident and humorist who writes about the subject of "modern parenting" every day, I find this whole thing pretty funny. Thanks for covering it!

Marty Wombacher said...

Ha ha ha! That piece was pure genius!

Anonymous said...

Wow. "Tour of the apartment. Unless they have a warrant, don't let the cops into your home -- ever. There is no upside, only downside. You can talk to them at the door if you want to.

Anonymous said...

@STFUParents Thanks for making me laugh. GREAT blog.

As for this post, not understanding the humor, but I'm glad the rest of you get it.

shmnyc said...

It's pretty funny, someone who lives in Sty Town criticizing someone else for being bourgeois!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, the real problem here was just a lack of originality and creativity. The typical "STFU" acronym and the brainless riflescope icon over whatever-it-is-I-don't-like thing made people think "witless unoriginal juvenile twit"? or "Sociopath?
("witless and unoriginal" also being common among your run of the mill sociopath)

Anonymous said...

@ Anonymous 12:05
You know... strangely. The sound of a school yard of children doesn't bother me (and I am hyper sensitive to noise)
To me, its a sound sort of like ocean waves crashing, or something. It's just this rolling boiling mix of sound; or like the sound of an aviary or crickets and frogs at night.
I mean; I wouldn't want it directly outside my window (definitely sounds better somewhat off in the distance) But I find it pleasing sound.

Anonymous said...

I call bullshit.

Tom said...

The funny part is that the miserable miscreants who write in and comment over at Lux Living actually believe what they are doing is humor. In reality (aside from the fact that their "humor" can be better described as juvenile, self-centered rants) they are the most humor-less bunch I have ever encountered. They don't like: Dogs, children, children with dogs, bicyclists, delivery people on bikes, delivery people on scooters, NYU students, people with cell phones, brown people, people they perceive as poor, new neighbors, musicians, people that play music, live music, outdoor concerts -in short, anyone but withered old retirees who seemingly do nothing but spend their days on rotary phones calling to lodge an endless litany of complaints to building management, security, the NYPD and any newspaper writer who will allow an over-privileged cranky white person to bitch and moan.

The entire subject of this bit of "satire" is based on the fact that these misanthropes seemingly can't understand why or what reason children might have for PLAYING on a PLAYGROUND on a Saturday morning. Hilarious. (That was sarcasm)

Anonymous said...

@Tom It's not a playground, did you read any of it? " Why it's called a playground, I am not sure. There are no swings, no jungle gyms, no slides, nothing. Just a large court painted for hockey and baseball."

and

"there are two girls, 4-ish, fighting over their stupid bikes...Two little velociraptors having at each other while their parents, both of whom are with them, do nothing."

When did parents stop being parents? I'd be pissed too if I had to listen to this.

Big Brother said...

It's now illegal to be cranky and write about. Great, we're all screwed.

Lux Living said...

Laugh all you want, but wait until people start using this tactic on those in the community who come together to prevent more bars opening. "Oh, they are an angry and dangerous mob. Me and my family don't feel safe. Arrest these people!"

I'm not looking for sympathy and I know some of our content is in extremely poor taste but I did nothing illegal. I have no criminal record. I have no guns. And I have no violent tendencies.

If they can do this to me, they can do it to others. like "the crazy community activists" or the "rabid animal rights people."

Kurt said...

@Tom, "They don't like: Dogs, children, children with dogs, bicyclists, delivery people on bikes, delivery people on scooters, NYU students, people with cell phones, brown people, people they perceive as poor, new neighbors, musicians, people that play music, live music, outdoor concerts"

You're posting this on EV Grieve? With just a few substitutions you could say the same thing about the posters on this blog as well.

Anonymous said...

Tom,

You're absolutely right. Lux Living gets worse and worse. Even Mr. Lux himself had to stop it for awhile.

I am truly sorry LL had to deal w/the NYPD on this. He is right to satirize parents who are full of themselves, fear-mongering and a sense of entitlement.