Tuesday, August 10, 2010

New Avenue B rock club to feature White Castle's, Artichoke and a 'Weirdo Room'



UrbanDaddy has details on the "New Luxe Rock-and-Roll Attic Bar" in the former Uncle Ming's space on Avenue B near 14th Street... (Above Bee Liquors and across from Mona's...)

Introducing White Noise, a new luxe rock-and-roll bar in the East Village (naturally), opening [this Friday] with the promise of hazy Jack Daniel’s nights, impromptu live shows and a crowd that feels good being bad.

Climb the stairs to White Noise’s hidden second-floor lair ... and you’ll be thrust into a world of vintage couches covered in black vinyl (leather is so pretentious), a bar layered in old tin roofing and windows boarded up and covered in thick black curtains. Even the chandeliers have been dipped in black tar.

It’s the sort of dark cavern that will gracefully usher in your next night of moody carousing with hot muses and rigorous academic debates about bass players, which may just end with a session in the secret "Weirdo Room," where you will sit alone, under a strobe light, and contemplate the meaning of "Stairway."

And the next morning, when the hot blaze of the Sunday sun proves too much, you can head right back in for their hangover party (starting in a few weeks), complete with vintage rock operas playing on a projection screen, microwave White Castle burgers and slices of Artichoke pizza.


The reader who sent me the link included a simple comment: "Gawd, this looks awful."

24 comments:

Alex in NYC said...

To be filed under: "Trying WAY too hard."

Jeremiah Moss said...

i'm waiting for someone to market a new ultra-lounge as a place where you can "lie back on one of our luxurious divans and let our trained boozologists connect you to an IV drip of 100-proof booze, then as the mood shifts to something mellow, as you quickly black out, enjoy the possibility of being date-raped in our Anything Goes closet of lust."

Anonymous said...

Although it sounds a bit silly, I won't pass judgment on White Noise until I hear some solid details, like who's running the place.

But I have to ask: Why do UrbanDaddy writers always come off as such cornball and try-hard douches? I picture every last one of them as the oldest guy in the club pathetically trying to pick up the "hot muses" (barf) and then riding off into the sunset in his fiberglass toupee.

EV Grieve said...

@Jeremiah Ha!

@Anonymous I'm with you. Urban Daddy could have made, say, Max's Kansas City sound like Fight Night at the Sigma Alpha Epsilon house.

glamma said...

jeremiah - hysterical.
i am holding my tongue on this one for now though... this actually does not sound like a frat type place, and as far as i am concerned that frat/brat crap is public enemy number one. despite the douchey write up, it seems like they are going more for the ottos/manitobas/mars bar/lit crowd, which is a good crowd as far as i'm concerned. time will tell?

EV Grieve said...

Agreed, Glamma.... I'll try not to let the UrbanDaddyization of this cloud my judgement... Be nice to have another place like the bars you mentioned...

Lisa said...

Who WRITES this tripe?

These clowns are trying so hard to make this place sound coolly and hip-ly subversive - but the space used to host local dominatrix extraordinaire The Baroness' fetish events every month and so does not need their pretentious twaddle to make it cool.

Erin said...

I hear the word "luxe" and I hear Budweisers that cost $10.

I can't comment much beyond that, as I am heaving into the toilet over that copywriting.

They make Daily Candy sound like Rhodes scholars.

Bowery Boogie said...

they talk about how great this bar will be, but what about the bathrooms?

no stairway...? denied.

East Village Eats said...

@Lisa, that's an insult to tripe! I might just go to this place in Mars Bar summer gear; Khaki shorts, shirt & pink sweater... We'll see what happens.

UrbanDaddy writers are Fucktards anyway...

Shawn Chittle said...

I don't care who you are, just stay out of my f***ing Mona's

john penley said...

If they let me live in the part of the bar pictured I will gladly move in and promote this bar. I refuse to eat White Castle microwave burgers however. I like the pix of the place but they need a doorman to keep out Yuppies and NYU students. I suggest they sell opium and they will be packed every night. If the owners want to let me live there I can be contacted by leaving a message on Crusty Row in TSP.

Goggla said...

The Copper Building needs to list this as one of their amenities.

EV Grieve said...

@Goggla

Ha!

B-Block Watch said...

We, a number of residents on this block, are not going to put up with this new hell-hole. Every sound that emenates fron that dark hole will be reported. Every hint of a drug presence or sale will be observed and reported. Every time they run short and buy liquor from the liquor store downstairs will be reported to the SLA.Every single thing that happens there will be observed. This block declares WAR on White Noise and we vow to have them out of business by early autumn!!!

Anonymous said...

Nice COINTELPRO B-Block Watch but if you bothered to actually read, the criticism here was against UrbanDaddy not White Noise.

So what m-f'ing side you really on?

B-Block Watch said...

We know exactly which m'fuckin side we're on idiot. we're against against against this White Noise travesty. We LOVE Mona's and we respected the Musical Box, and voth of their owners contributed rather than took away from our beloved block. AND - we HATE the Copper Crapper and hope it sinks down into its own landfill. As for UrbanDaddy they're pathetic wanna be poseurs, all probably grew up in the midwest and are still starry eyed over being transported to Hipsterdom. And some of us (myself especially) have livedour entire 60+++years on Ave B. And - gotta say it - appalled by 'Jeremiah Moss' making light of date rape also.

Anonymous said...

I stand corrected, B-Block. Sometimes it seems the entire internet is being sarcastic or "ironic."

I agree with you re: Jeremiah rape jokes, and the Copper Building is a POS.

peace

B-Block Watch said...

no problem Anonymous - peace to you too.

We have often found that 'Jeremiah Moss' offends.

And another thing - how many Yuppified Pet Spas can one block deal with?

Anonymous said...

Obviously the date rape reference is mocking the frat scene in the nabe. Date rape, getting "SO trashed," loving your hangover = fratty. Its no offense unless your ironically challenged.

But I agree B-Block, no more yuppie pets spas, for sure.

Anonymous said...

Rape jokes aren't ever funny.

It's no offense unless you're grammatically challenged.

Anonymous said...

B-Block...
These are really good guys, who are not trying to open an annoying new place, just re-openning something I think the neighborhood used to like... One of the owners actually used to work at Uncle Ming's and I know that they will be responsible people, unlike so many in the business...

I just felt like I should defend my friend, who I know cares about the neighborhood.

Peace to you.

Near Neighbor said...

What on earth gives you the notion the neighborhood liked Uncle Mings? Oh wait a minutes - yes - IF you like screaming rowdy crowds at 3:00 a.m., IF you liked broken beer bottles and stolen bar glasses strewn on the sidewalk, IF you liked gutters filled with vomit!

Tell your 'friend' to open something on the block (or more likely suburban hell hole) that he hales from.

Every viollation by White Noise will be reported. Every last one...

Anonymous said...

B-Block is totally right. I live across from the old Uncle Ming's. They were a horrible neighbor. Lots of screaming Bridge and Tunnel, big loud groups congregated on the sidewalk, loud bass thumping at 3:00 am through their basically open side windows. Dreaded very weekend. White Castle and Artichoke pizza; what a joke. This is how you get around a food requirement?

B-Block- you're not alone