What constitutes a roommate who sucks? In this case, the people who placed the ad — "two cool guys from Michigan who went to school at the University of Michigan" — explain what went wrong with the third roommate, a woman who has agreed to move out.
And to the ad:
Here are some of the things we experienced in our first three months with her. Stop reading if you seriously might do one of the things listed below. Otherwise, take humor in our past suffering.
1) You own a non-spaded dog that gets dog period juice (that's right, I called it that) all over the apartment, and then you decide not to tell us about it until we find it is an epidemic of disgustingnesss. It was cleaned up by a maid.
2) You pull stuff out of the garbage and attempt to reuse it. In this case, the prior roommate removed a water bottle container that had been used to store urine during an emergency situation. Yes, our roommate drank from a plastic water-bottle filled with piss for seven days that she pulled out of the garbage. Fireworks followed. More can be told in person.
3) You attempt to fix a freezer frozen completely shut with a hammer. I can't make this shit up.
4) You let us know the day before rent is due that rent+utilities exceeds your budget during your first month living with us.
5) You regularly and randomly start crying during any serious conversation.
Oddly enough, we started regularly and randomly crying while reading this ad...