Monday, August 16, 2010
The community board-State Liquor Authority drinking game
To help pass the time during the dull stretches of community board/state liquor authority meetings... we started getting stupid(er), like, given the boozy topic, maybe we should create a drinking game to play ...
So! You have to do a shot every time an applicant says:
"I just want to be part of the community."
"I'm just a guy from the neighborhood."
Someone speaking against a proposed bar/restaurant says, "I like the concept, just not on this block."
Someone speaking against a proposed bar/restaurant uses any of the following words: fraternity, sorority, hell, zoo, spring break, Bourbon Street or woo woo.
The applicant wears a Bluetooth throughout his or her presentation.
Two shots if:
A priest speaks for the applicant.
The applicant's previous restaurant experience was working as a club DJ or promoter.
The applicant has 500 signatures in support, though only 3 of the residents actually live on the block in question.
The applicant says that his or her new place will be an upscale restaurant that will be open until 4 a.m.
The applicant says that the new place will be for the neighborhood, with entrees starting at $32.
They just want the license to pair wines with dessert.
The applicant's attorney says, "This is New York City -- it's supposed to be noisy."
Supporters of the applicant suggest that, if opponents don't like noise, they should move to, or move back to, [Ohio, Delaware, Schenectady, et al]
Three shots if:
The bar name is a nod to homeless people, welfare recipients, alcoholics or serial killers.
The applicant says that he or she is willing to work with the community, and to prove it, the restaurant/bar will close at 1 a.m. on Sundays.
The applicant uses the words "artisanal" or "gastro."
Four shots if:
The applicant uses the words "artisanal" and "gastro" together.
You're told dear old mom from the Old Country will be the chef.
The applicant says if he or she doesn't get approval, the space will likely become a chain store, bank or halfway house for pyromaniacs.
The applicant says that the restaurant will sponsor art classes for kids in the neighborhood.
The applicant gives each committee member an envelope with cash.*
The applicant promises to keep the spirit of the previous owner's establishment alive by having the now-deceased owner stuffed and mounted over the bar.
* We're not suggesting this has ever happened...