Friday, March 5, 2010

This is not a test: Cooper Union in imminent danger of "projectile vomiting"

A friendly tipster passed along the following from a Cooper Union student, who — wisely at first — thought the e-mail below was a hoax given all the upheaval there of late. But it is not.

Date: March 3, 2010 2:37:35 PM EST
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: A nasty stomach virus at Cooper

Cooper has been hit by a 48 hour stomach virus, characterized by projectile vomiting and high temperatures.
Wash your hands frequently with soap and water. This is the single most effective preventive step you can take.
Go back to using the Purell dispensers.
Try not to touch your eyes, nose, or mouth.
Avoid large gatherings.
If you get the virus, stay home! Drink lots of fluids.

Alan Wolf
Campus-wide Safety Coordinator

Our friends at EV Heave have been notified. He or she has made the necessary preparations for the weekend, and is already on the scene. See for yourself.


pinhead said...

Time to upgrade the servers at Heave. I take a class at Cooper Wednesday evenings, so if I catch the bug, Grieve gets the exclusive photos!

EV Heave said...

I will pay more than Grieve for the photo exclusive!

EV Grieve said...

Don't listen to him or her Pinhead. Heave still owes all his freelancers!

pinhead said...

Sorry, Heave. You're nothing but fluff and sensationalism. I need a hard-hitting journalist to tell my story.

Barbara L. Hanson said...

Dear god, please stop with the puke. What next, the bloody stool alert?

Laura Goggin Photography said...

'Avoid large gatherings.'

I think this 'virus' is being used as a scare tactic to prevent a student revolt.

EV Grieve said...

@ Goggla.... Or to keep those students out of McSorley's....

VH McKenzie said...

I can't take the vomit stories anymore.

When my kids start heaving, I'm willing to hold out my hands and catch the puke -- anything to keep from having to change the sheets in the middle of the night.

But college kids -- I don't even want to READ about .

Please. No. More. Puke.

ak said...

i mostly enjoy the vomit stories.

more so, i like the heads-up on the 48 hour stomach virus travelling through cooper union and the related high likely-hood of it passing through the neighborhood/local subways/city.

i really really really REALLY hate stomach viruses.

Jeremiah Moss said...

oh god, the "bloody stool alert." that would be something.