Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The folk hero of East Fifth Street

A reader shares this incredible true story from early Monday morning...

[Not the actual bus in question]

I guess the 6-12 people on the safari party bus were caught a bit off-guard last night when I began trying to kick their door in. Awoken moments before, at 4, by the shouting and music, I went to the window and saw what it was and quickly grabbed my pants, shoes, thought of getting a bat, but didn’t want to wake the kids by opening their baseball gear. It was their sleep that I was trying to preserve after all.

When I went outside I wasn’t thinking that I’d be trying to kick their door in. Maybe I tried to push the door open to scream at them to move on? I don’t quite remember...except that the door was shut hard and that I was giving it my all now, repeatedly...wham! wham! wham!

As I was doing this I think I was screaming to get the bus OFF this street (maybe not as nicely as that). At one point I exchanged some words with someone baiting me at one of the two open windows, he telling me how he was going to fuck me up and holding a kitchen scissors as if it was a knife, and me saying to come on out bitch as I leapt up and tried to grab his face off.

I should have, of course, thrown a punch but didn’t, and they weren’t coming out of the bus either. There were no real fighters there, myself included, thank god, just a lot of testosterone, booze, etc. The kid turned away when someone said let’s move down the street.

And, the bus was up and running and as I was thinking down the street isn’t going to work for me, a half drunk can of beer came whizzing by my head. I followed the bus on foot, opened a recycle bin or two and pulled out some bottles, 32oz-ers I think, three of them, and I was running now. The bus thought about parking for a sec, and then decided to hightail it as they saw me running up behind them, except that the light was against them. They paused before running it as I hurled bottle #1 at their rear and as they floored it up the Bowery I hit them once again with #2.

I do wish that I had just knocked on their door and kindly asked them to turn down their music and move their party elsewhere. Oh well, perhaps this might help other prospective traveling living rooms to steer clear of East Fifth Street.

23 comments:

Crazy Eddie said...

"There goes my hero. Watch him as he goes. There goes my hero. He's ordinary."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofF609vd3xc

Jeremiah Moss said...

what if everyone just revolted like this guy? Grieve, with your many Twitter followers, you could start a flash mob revolution. one night, this summer, everyone goes out with pitchforks to the loud bars, etc., raises a ruckus. think about it.

DIY WOMP said...

Fair play to you sir. I have many times gone outside/ hung from my window and shouted and idiots who think it's cool to party on my curb. I've not thrown a bottle at a bus yet though...

Ken Mac said...

Bottles turn into pitchforks turn into? Whatever it is, I'm for it.

Anonymous said...

Do you know the name of the company that runs these party bus tours? Maybe we can put pressure on the company and call the police and report them every time we see them wreaking havoc in our neighborhood. If a bar has noise standards, I would have to imagine a party bus has to meet noise standards.

Anonymous said...

awesome

Anonymous said...

is this the safari bus that is really a school bus? they parked on our street last summer with music blaring and tons of annoying people on the sidewalk and in the bus, it was terrible

Lisa said...

Oh sir, we are not worthy! This is a truly excellent and heartwarming tale; kudos to you! (Bowing, scraping, tugging my forelock in the manner of a medieval serf as her lord passes by.)

Marty Wombacher said...

Great story! I'd like to hang out with this guy! Well done, sir!

Anonymous said...

Forever more, songs of praise will be sung in your name.

bowery boy said...

While I love this story and dream of doing much the same myself, I don't think that this approach is the answer to our problems. Call 911. Call 311. If we all run up the complaints, we have a better chance of effecting long-term change, rather than something that just gets us through the night. all right, all right.

Shawn Chittle said...

Good for you sir! Did you get the plate?

Let's see, you were threatened with a bladed weapon, had a 6oz metal aluminum can thrown at your head, which had it hit you could have knocked you unconscious easily. Sounds like assault to me, attempted battery, menacing, and a whole assortment of other things they pay DAs to figure out.

I wonder if these "party buses" could be regulated next on State Senator Daniel Squadron's list before something really tragic happens?

(We all know what happened to the Chinatown bus...)

Bowery Boogie said...

he shoulda brought the bat

Anonymous said...

Awesome story!!! It makes me glad there actually are people sick of the bullshit that goes on unchecked in our neighborhood. Not really into violence and menace but certain people truly can't be reasoned with on any other level. It's a small victory, but I'm glad this guy was able to shoo away the pests.

Our city has decided to turn a blind eye to this near-constant pestering of the residents by carte-blanche out-of-towners. We pay some of the highest rents and taxes in the US, yet here we are, left to defend our own peace and order. What a city.

Goggla said...

I feel for this guy (and have experienced that anger myself), but agree with Bowery Boy - he really should have called cops, taken pictures, noted the license plate. Then, he could have used the bottle-throwing and scissor threat as evidence of violence on their part and his own self-defense. As it is, they got away with their bad behavior.

glamma said...

COPS WOULD HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Anonymous said...

I think I'm in love.:D

bowery boy said...

Glamma, you may be right about that this time, but until we reach a critical mass of legitimate complaints, they never will.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard Ms. Stetzer at a CB3 meeting site the number of 311/911complaints to lead votes up or down on any given issue. She says again and again that cops don't pay attention to the EV because there are not the level of calls coming in that other neighborhoods have. Unfortunately, that's changing, but vigilantism will only keep your comment true - when that's what we most need to change.

esquared said...

i think we should organize a bus of our own, find out where the operators and clients of this bus reside, drive around and park by their neighborhood at the wee hours of the morning and play loud music and scream wooooooo

see how that feels

blue glass said...

esquared i'm with you.

if the assholes are in the street water and/or eggs work too.
especially if you have good aim.

Crazy Eddie said...

@Bowery Boogie

"he shoulda brought the bat"

And after:

Leave the bat. Take the cannoli. Groan! Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Why not just take out the tires on the bus. It is so easy, and cost effective. Send a message.

cvinzant said...

This is a superdad. I've seen that bus on our block. The boys who run the Scratcher wanted absolutely no part of it.