Friday, June 7, 2013

Your guide to the new neighborhoods of New York City

In the ongoing discussion yesterday about what to call the Midtown South area of the former East Village now that Facebook is moving to 770 Broadway at East Ninth Street. ... EVG reader Giovanni provided some inside information in the comments, which we shall replay here for your horror/amusement — or both!

Actually the real estate moguls who shape NYC like so much silly putty in their dirty little hands have a few other names planned for the area formerly known as the East Village:

SoFaBo: South of Facebook

NoFaBo: North of Facebook

ZuckerVille: where Mark Zuckerberg lives, right next to FarmVille.

LoJackita: the neighborhood to which your car was towed to make room for the new CitiBike racks.

BroHo: in honor for the residents who have recently moved in from places like Ohio. As in, "Yo bro, you seen my ho?" Also known as WooHooville.

Stuyversy: The merger beween Stuytown and Gramercy into one giant neighborhood with lots of trees, no stores, and thousands of drunk NYU students. You'll know you live there when they raise your rent mid-lease by 50% and you have to move out.

CitiBike City: for the place formerly known as Alphabet City. Avenue A will be Adventure Avenue, B will be Bankster Boulevard, C will be Cupcake Drive, and D will still be Avenue D, since no developer can ever seem to figure out how to gentrify it.


gaminette said...

Brilliant, but sad because it's true.

*golf clap*

Anonymous said...

Yet you have a Facebook account. As if supporting it.