Monday, December 22, 2014

Checkers opens TODAY; 1st look at the specials

The Checkers Watch® comes to an end today with the Grand Opening here on First Avenue between East 13th Street and East 14th Street.

And here is a look at just two of their specials…

… Checkers is also serving… smiles.

Previously on EV Grieve:
Checkers headed to 1st Avenue


Anonymous said...

Crap like this is why Americans are so fat.

Gojira said...

Disgusting. Just disgusting.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Awesome! A Wendy's!!!

DrBOP said...

"Yeah, I'd like to return this bag of smiles I got this morning....not very filling, and they had a real plastic aftertaste.....the "Senior Citizen Smiles" were especially bitter..."

Ken from Ken's Kitchen said...

Ha ha DrB, ya beat me to it except yours is funnier than mine would have been.

Giovanni said...

I for one will not be satisfied until there's a Waffle House next to every Starbucks

Anonymous said...

Does it come in a hoof?

Matthew has 2 T's, dumbass said...

for real, this place is ignorant.
its like we've gone back in time

Anonymous said...

When does the Cracker Barrel open?

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Giovannii said...

"When does the Cracker Barrel open?"

Whoa! Slow down there, Cowboy. Our fair city can only absorb one new redneck outpost at a time. Let’s review the history of this redneck invasion and look at where it’s headed next:

First we got iHop, which isn't really redneck but its leaning in that general direction.

Then we got our first Denny's, which is USDA Grade A redneck, located in SoHo of all places which doesn't even allow rednecks in the neighborhood, so go figure.

Then came Dairy Queen, located so close to Chelsea and the West Village the true meaning gets lost in the double entendre. "What, there's another Dairy Queen in Chelsea? How unoriginal."

Now we get our first East Village Checkers, a Southern Delight. It’s been called “the ugly stepchild of fast food,” famous for their fries which are heavily seasoned with a black pepper spice blend, among other things. Almost everything they serve is fried so it's a good thing there are so many quality hospital emergency rooms located just a few blocks north.

After Checkers comes Waffle House, which will sometimes give you a 10% discount if you drive a pickup equipped with a gun rack. When traveling in the Deep South, distance is measured in Waffle Houses, as in "We're only 10 Waffle Houses from Grandma's house." Try their Scattered, Smothered & Covered hash browns.

After Waffle House comes Bob's Big Boy, then Chick-Fil-A (the fake one at NYU dining doesn’t count, we need a real one, complete with the waffle fries and homophobia) Biscuitville (which actually serves real Southern biscuits, Empire Biscuit, you have been forewarned) Zaxbys (Who? Never mind.) and Bojangles, which some have described as “a mecca of grease.” That's not ChapStick® on your lips, that's Bojangles!

Just days before the impending Apocalypse, the EV will welcome the first Long John Silvers, which launched a meal called the “Big Catch,” that earned the nickname the “heart attack on a hook” and has been called "the worst restaurant meal in America.” If you ate an entire Big Catch, complete with the sides of fried onion rings and hush puppies, you'd end up eating around 33 grams of trans fats, or 16 times the daily limit. In case you like free salt it also contains 3,700 milligrams of sodium.

Finally, and only after all other redneck chain options have been fully exhausted will the first Cracker Barrel be ready to finish the job. Because Chicken 'n Dumplins are always in short supply, along with their special line of Duck Dynasty merchandise.

So enjoy the new Checkers. And remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions and bad Southern fast food restaurants.