Friday, September 20, 2013
Gem Spa stunner: Zoltar now has Key Master competition; doomsday predicted
In a sad and shocking power play that has reverberated throughout the neighborhood, Zoltar now has a game-of-chance companion in the form of Key Blaster outside Gem Spa.
Stunned passersby were naturally stunned to see that Zoltar was no longer the only game in town, or at least here on Second Avenue at St. Mark's Place.
"This is like really fucked up and stuff," said EVG reader Jim, who asked that his first name not be used in association with this post mostly because he was swearing. "First, they put the Lottery thing [Play Center] next to Zoltar. Then there is the display of like those Kardashian mags Us Weekly and OK! Are they purposefully trying to take away business from Zoltar?"
As for Key Master, a so-called "prize merchandising game," contestants compete to win such prizes as Macy's Gift Cards, iPhones, iPods [Ed note: Do they still make these?] and iPod Minis [Ed note: Do they still make these?].
You may also win presumably real $100 bills [Ed note: Do they still make these?] ... which might be a bad idea to have on display considering what some roughnecks with skateboards have done here in the past...
In case you've never been on a cruise ship, here's how Key Master works: You use a joystick for horizontal movement and a large button for the vertical alignment. Then! You manipulate a "key" so that it lines up perfectly with a "lock" holding a prize. If you successfully guide the key into the lock, then you win the prize. (OK, I just totally lifted that from this fellow's blog.)
A tutorial. (God, whatever you do — turn down the volume!)
Takeaway: Key Master is dumb! Long live Zoltar!